How to Stop the Confusion and Start Making Decisions

Our brains are wired to keep us safe, and this can keep us confused and indecisive. In this episode, we discuss: 

• Exploring the roots of confusion and indecision in your psyche
• Recognizing the ways in which indecision can hinder personal development
• Developing effective strategies to navigate the complexities of decision-making
• Implementing a straightforward method to transition from confusion to decisive action
• Tools to help you make a decision

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:47

Hey, I'm your host, Jill Griffin. Today we're talking about what so many people come to me for or ask me. I can be at a networking event, I could be at a friends gathering, and people always are curious about how do you make decisions and how do you know that it's the right decision. So we're going to talk about it today. All of it, all right.

Speaker 1: 1:13

What I normally see that happens is people start to get spun out. They get sort of this case of what I call the I don't knows the IDKs. What should I do? Any clarity to move forward. I can't move forward without clarity, because you want to know now. You want to have the answer in advance, meaning you want to know that whatever decision you're going to make, the outcome is going to be the result that you want. And you want to reduce uncertainty and hopefully save some effort and energy because you know. You want to know what to do next. Should you take this job? And what do you do then if you don't like? Insert people, the role, the workload, partners, vendors, colleagues, workplace policies, return to office, work from home, hybrid environment, right? You want to know what do I do then? Because what if I make the wrong choice and you need the clarity so that you pick the right thing.

Speaker 1: 2:12

And sometimes clarity hits, boom, right, and it hits and it is unmistakable. You know and you act and you feel buoyant and inspired and you're like all right, I know what I'm doing. There's an inner knowing. But here's the hard truth, friends Very often that confusion that you're feeling, that lack of clarity you're feeling, is a choice. I know it's like how can no trust me. It's a choice and you don't have to be confused, because often when we're confused is because we're ruminating the same idea, the same thought. We're trying to think like should I make this decision? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And when you're confused and you delay making the decision, you are doing that because you think there's a right decision. Now look, I'm not going to get into esoterics. At times they are clearly right and wrong decisions right, should you harm someone physically? Wrong decision right, we're not talking about that. We're talking about in the context of work, your career. You're delaying that decision because you're confused if you should go this way or that way.

Speaker 1: 3:26

And the longer you stay in that indecision, the more uncomfortable it is, but it's also kind of comfortable and we're going to get to that. Indecision keeps us stuck, it keeps us anxious. Maybe a little exhaustion, sort of this energy wasted because you're constantly thinking about it. You wake up in the morning you're like, oh, there it is again. Hello, darkness, my old friend, you're back. You're thinking about it again and indecision and staying comfortable can be easier because you then don't have to be responsible for the choices and potentially the cleanup in aisle five after. So you stay in that indecision because you feel like, ah, while it's more uncomfortable, you think it's more comfortable follow. So the longer we sit in the swirl of indecision, the harder it is to make the decision.

Speaker 1: 4:23

And for people, confusion. When I'm talking about comfortableness around confusion and the comfortable feeling, I mean like it's not like cashmere or hoodie, comfortable right. When I'm talking about like, ooh, this is so comfortable and warm, what we're saying is it's more comfortable to be in the space of suspension, of not making the decision, than having to live with the decision you're going to make. So here's the thing You're fearful of how you're going to think and how you're going to feel if you make a decision that's later on. You decide is the wrong decision. This is normal people. This is what we do. So staying safe in the discomfort of the one that you know, versus the experience of what's the choice or the decision and not knowing, that's a whole new level of discomfort. So you don't make the decision and therefore you stay confused about what to do. And if you're not making the decision, well then you surely can't make a wrong one. Right? Here's where we sit. So you stay in the job, you stay in the relationship, you stay in the apartment, you stay in the career, you stay in the industry, you stay in indecision, so that you feel safer. The problem is that you're not creating new experiences, you don't grow, you don't learn how to work through making decisions, and for me, gosh, that's like the biggest tragedy of all.

Speaker 1: 6:00

Because gathering the facts is important, right, we need to know what the scenario is, we need to know the details, we need to know the facts. But then we also have to pause and realize that you're hoping that the facts are going to make you feel a certain way, and data doesn't make you feel a certain way. It's your thought about the situation, about the facts and about the data that's going to make you feel a certain way. Here's what usually happens we think about a future choice and we think that it might mean future drama. So you're stuck in indecision because you're trying to one predict a future event.

Speaker 1: 6:40

Two, trying to predict your future thoughts about a future event. Three, you're trying to determine how you might manage your brain, your mind, your feelings around what might happen in the future. And it's a lot of predicting and it's very tiring and exhausting. So I kind of think it's funny because you don't make a decision, because you're fearing that the future decision will create a feeling that you won't know how to deal with. It's kind of funny. How could you possibly think of every scenario and what could go wrong and then think in advance how you could predict your thoughts and feelings, to know what you would do at a future time and a future date, to know how you would handle something. It's all very tiring. And then it also adds into why you can't make a decision.

Speaker 1: 7:34

Today's uncomfortability is that a word wins against tomorrow's uncertainty. Just understand about why you wouldn't make a decision. Okay, so hopefully you're getting this, but the best news ever is that you get to decide how you want to feel about things. You get to get clear on the decision and I want to be clear a decision is a committed thought with a committed action. Someone recently said to me oh, you know, I decided to find a new job a while ago and then revealed that they hadn't taken any action because they didn't want to make the wrong decision and choose the wrong next step. My friend, you didn't decide to find a job a while ago. You didn't decide anything. You just had a thought and you didn't take any action. And when you're in discernment About a decision, taking action helps.

Speaker 1: 8:25

Recently, at a client and I'll call her Lucy, she gave me permission to share this she received an amazing opportunity to do an executive rotation in another location, a global location, as part of her job, a 90-day rotation, and she hasn't accepted or declined because she was an indecision. She said, because she was confused, that she didn't really know if the 90-day assignment would advance her career. When we dug in, it had nothing to do with the assignment. She was fearful because it's a new country, a new living situation. No friends, all understandable, but actually nothing to do with the job. Right? That discernment of bifurcating the different decisions that need to be made and not glombing them all together, really hard to make a decision. So she had to get clear Did she want this opportunity and she did so.

Speaker 1: 9:16

Then she had a lot of questions which we got clarity on that. The her questions and her uncertainty was actually around the transfer package and she was delaying speaking to HR to get those details. So it turns out she's going to be in a great area in the heart of the city center. The company is setting her up, they're doing the transfer there and the transfer back. Very important people make sure you get the transfer back as part of your agreement that they are setting up a cohort situation which will be a complete cultural Immersion and she'll get to know the other colleagues in the programs and there's lots of immersions and activities with the city and that she's going to to learn more about culture. So, yes, she's not gonna have friends there, but outside of the day job Seems like the company's really setting them up for success. So she accepted. And a side note if your company is asking you to do a global rotation, most of the time it's because they see an enormous future in you and If you're going to get through and excel in that global experience, I assure you they're thinking about putting you in other Experiences which will create even more opportunity for you. Okay, back to her.

Speaker 1: 10:29

So taking that action of calling HR and figuring out the transfer and relocation package, even though it's temporary, helped her make the decision to accept the assignment. A Decision is I'm going to leave this job and in order to do so, I'm gonna make five networking outreaches a week. A Decision is I don't know what industry or what I want to do next, but I'm going to start to explore. See, it's a thought and an action. All right. So here's a couple of steps to get out of indecision. One, don't allow yourself to wallow in again, the IDK, the I don't know syndrome. And being in that, can you break down the decision? Can you break it down, like Lucy did, and understand that it wasn't the assignment, it was the aspects of the move and break it down into bite-sized pieces I Don't know what I want to do next? Okay, I get it, I understand that. But can you chunk it down into areas or companies or or Trends that you find are interesting?

Speaker 1: 11:31

And also sometimes asking yourself, well, what if I did know what I would do is really helpful? Or it phrasing it like, if I knew what I would do, what would I do? And actually asking yourself some of those questions. The second kind of builds on that. The second stop, and this is to ask better questions I and then answer your better questions. Hal Gregerson has a book called Questions Are the Answer, and an example is, instead of asking yourself how should I go about? Blah, blah, blah, which feels a bit of a wobble, right, it feels a little bit uncertain Ask yourself what should I do, which comes from a place of power, and then answer your own question Instead of how can I get a new job, ask yourself what can I do today to find a new job in this marketplace? And then try to answer for yourself. Do you see the difference? One comes from power, one comes from a little bit of a wobble.

Speaker 1: 12:32

Three step three Know that you are not making a decision because you're having a thought that's telling you you don't know, which creates the confusion. And that confusion, which we said is a bit of a lie because you get to decide, only exists until you make the decision. There's the freedom. So when you're tempted to say I don't know, pause and just give yourself some space and see if you can wiggle around with that thought in your head. What you wanna say, I don't know. You could say something like I'm learning to figure this out. I'm going to figure this out. I'm learning what to do in this market. Once I decide, I won't be confused anymore. You may also wanna turn it into a little bit of a mantra Like may I take the necessary steps today to be one step closer to the decision? That's also upcoming from a place of power and centeredness.

Speaker 1: 13:27

Step four you don't have to have all the facts to make a decision. You don't have to know what someone else is thinking. You get to decide now how you're gonna think, how you're gonna feel and how you're gonna act, regardless of what someone else is doing. So if your thought is something like I don't know if I should wait, if I hear, am I the top candidate? Am I going to the next round? Should I look elsewhere? Will you get to decide right now whether you're gonna wait until the end of the quarter or you're gonna wait until you hear something to pursue other opportunities, or whether you're gonna do it right now and you get to also choose a deadline and then, if you don't hear back for them by the deadline, you get to do the next step. You get to take the next option Not from a place of like drama, llama, right.

Speaker 1: 14:18

Not from a place of like oh, they didn't pick me from a place of, okay, I didn't like this answer, but I now have clarity and I can do something else. You just gave yourself the gift of a decision, people. It's freedom, because when you're not re-questioning every decision every day, you have so much mental space. If the decision you wanna make is around a person and you feel confused by, like how they're behaving, you get to make a decision right now how you're gonna show up and how you're gonna respond and what you're gonna do, and then you're not gonna be wishy-washy waiting for them to make the move that they're gonna make. You don't need to understand them. You don't need to ask every person. You know what should I do If he calls me and says this, should I say that? What if he doesn't call me? You don't have to do that. You don't have to ask everyone how to play it, because you get to choose Now, bringing in outside people again a coach, a mentor, a therapist, a spiritual advisor, a trusted bestie sure, getting someone's second thoughts on things to help you that's the discernment.

Speaker 1: 15:29

Help you make a decision. Absolutely good, good, makes good sense to do something like that, but don't ask everyone, because everyone's gonna give you a different opinion and then it's gonna add to your confusion. Right, you're outsourcing your thinking. You may find that there's a teeny whisper of an idea of what you would choose next. And if not, go back to asking yourself questions or get a mentor, a coach, a guide. You don't need to know how someone else thinks or feels in order for you to make decisions for yourself. And look, get quiet, get curious, follow your curiosity and go make some decisions. All right, my friends, have a really good week and I'll see you next time.