How to Stop Overthinking Everything About Your Career

When there is continuous change and uncertainty in our workplace it’s easy to fall into overthinking and constant worry. It’s hard to be our best selves when we are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious as a result of our overthinking. In this episode, I'll discuss why overthinking happens and how to stop it. 

Mentioned on the show: 

Ready to Turn the Career You Have into the Career You Want?  Building the Career You Want Starts with Creating Your Career Identity.  Get my 5 Steps to an Effective Career Identity worksheet HERE

Check out my Article on FastCompany.com: 4 Ways to Fight Ageism in Your Job Search

Chapters

• 0:04 Overcoming Overthinking in Your Career
• 13:41 Separating Fact From Story for Clarity

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi, welcome to the Career Refresh podcast. I'm your host, jill Griffin. I'm a former media and marketing executive, turned career strategist and executive coach. I spent my career working my way up and through the ranks of global organizations and startups, and today I show others how to do the same. Join me each week as we discuss the strategies and actionable steps to leverage your strengths, increase your confidence and develop your career wellbeing. Ready, let's do it.

Speaker 1: 0:47

Hey, my friends, how are we Welcome to this week's episode? It's on a favorite topic of mine overthinking, and how to stop overthinking everything, stop the worry, ease the anxiety. It's one of my favorite topics. It's something that I've suffered from for years, but I've learned how to manage my mind through practice and thought work. So most of us, I think, have experienced this mindset challenge at some point in our career. We fall into a trap that thinking, rethinking, churning, burning, figuring it out that mental energy will somehow help us solve the situation or the problem we find ourselves in and that if we keep doing it, we're going to get there faster. And I'm going to remind you if you've been listening to this podcast before, you've heard me say things like this, but if you're coming from a place that in your body. You're feeling negative emotions or feelings or sensations all kind of the same thing for this episode and your body is feeling that stress, anxiety, fear or another negative emotion of choice. I assure you that you are not going to find the solution faster because your brain is doing what it's trained to do, based on evolutionary biology. Your brain is trying to find ways to keep you safe and out of harm. So what it is doing is sort of scanning the area, like lighthousing the area and being like what else is wrong? What else is wrong? And it's really hard to be in the solution. When you're trying to protect yourself, your brain is frantically wanting to find this solution and it can be in this intense negative feelings that again, you're not going to be able to stop overthinking and think strategically. When you're experiencing those feelings and emotions in your body, the habit or the primitive brain is running the show. The prefrontal cortex has left the building. Okay, so it hasn't really left the building, but I think you got it.

Speaker 1: 2:43

Let's look into how this could show up. Maybe you're embarrassed by a failure, a public failure, or something you've said, or you obsess for the remainder of the workday and then you're constantly thinking about what it is that you did all the different scenarios and, like good luck, trying to be present with anyone after your work day, it could disrupt your sleep. You find yourself maybe having dinner, but you're still ruminating, You're still thinking about it, you're churning, and this thought loop about how you could have done it differently and how you need to fix it now. So a client of mine who gave me permission to talk about this recently, shared with me that they were in a situation where they had written an email to a client that had some outdated and incorrect information and they sent it to the client while their boss was in the air on a flight to meet the client. The client completely freaked out and was on a total tear, writing emails, slacking, texting, calling, demanding the new information, demanding the correction and how could this be true? And then demanding the new information, which, of course, my client didn't know they had to go and find out. They didn't have the updated data readily available. So the entire length of the boss's three hour or so flight they were filled with such anxiety and shame about what they did. And then now what is going to happen? And their boss, who clearly doesn't have a coach and clearly needs one called my client when they landed at their destination and also behaved in a really aggressive way. Right, it's that chain reaction the client is behaving this way, the boss is behaving this way, and then it's all falling towards my client, right? Because we think that someone else's thoughts and reactions cause our feelings, and this is a moment just to stop and say so.

Speaker 1: 4:40

I'm going to make a complete exaggeration, because I've definitely been in this position before. I've definitely been in a position where someone senior to me or who has authority over me is yelling, screaming, perhaps even I'm feeling their spittle on my face and pointing a finger, and I understand being in that trauma response. But at the same time, I just want to separate the experience and and have a pause for a second. That says, like, if you saw a two-year-old having a temper tantrum and a meltdown, you might feel bad, but you also are probably not having the same level of intensity of a temper tantrum and a meltdown, right? Because that's the two-year-old's experience and you're watching it for them and you have compassion for them. Maybe they're acting a little silly in their temper tantrum and you're just watching it, all, right? So that's an extreme example which you go okay, jill, of course that's not going to bother me, it's a two-year-old, they don't have power over me. And you're right. Again I get it. And this is where the mindset work comes in.

Speaker 1: 5:46

So back to this situation. When the um, the client, shared with me that they were shaking the entire experience, we got really curious again. I've had that trigger before myself, but I want to break down a few different layers of what was going on in the scenario. There's the panic in the initial moments after the email was sent, when they realized the data was incorrect and they were overthinking on the worst case scenarios. There's then the overthinking with dread and waiting for the response from the client. There's then the shame for messing up and ruminating on why they didn't do it differently. They're then overthinking that they have to find the data fast and it's going to be hard to think and find what you're looking for when you're in a panic. Then there's the overthinking that they now have to tell the boss when the boss lands I mean they shot the boss an email but they know that the boss is going to call them the second that the boss gets off the plane and can make a phone call that there is not only a mistake, but the client is now furious and calling and yelling.

Speaker 1: 6:35

Then there's the overthinking and the worry for waiting for what the boss's reply is going to be. Then there's the overthinking of, like, what's going to happen to me, is there going to be a ramification, because I made this mistake? Okay, I just want to breathe for a second because that makes me want to douse myself in lots of essential oils and, like curl up with a cashmere blanket. After saying all that, do you feel that stress? I feel it. We think that all of this overthinking and worry is going to be helpful because we think that we will find a way to fixate on the future and the future solution. And then, if we fixate on it and keep thinking, keep running through all the different scenarios of what happened, what I said, what I didn't say, what do I need to do now? What's you know what's next? That we'll be able to sort of outthink, outsmart, outwit, and that we can solve this challenge quickly. But it doesn't work.

Speaker 1: 7:27

There's another scenario that I often hear from clients that when their overthinking gets in the way of their ability to be effective, they start a series of thoughts around a particular scenario and then they think about everything else that could possibly go wrong. So here's how that sometimes plays out the company is expecting a hierarchical change. Oh my God, what's going to happen? There are rumors that they might be drop cuts. Oh, again, what's going to happen? Somewhere to senior, to you, puts time on your calendar and you instantly think it's going to be negative and not positive. And why do they want to meet with me? There's an overthinking that I'm not where I'm supposed to be in my career and I'm behind and I have to fix it fast because I have to make up for lost time. And there's also this thinking that, like, it's been a week since the recruiter, since I met with the recruiter, the recruiter hasn't called me back, so I must not be the candidate.

Speaker 1: 8:17

And then we overthink all the things that we did, that we think we did wrong in the interview. Or there's the overthinking that just starts to rev up. That's like this engine, this anxiety, hum. That's like when am I going to get my raise? When is my promotion? When is my time? When do I get the job offer? When am I going to get to lead the project Right? It's all of these things that, whatever it is that you're waiting for, you're working on, you're thinking why is nothing you're doing working out? And you're in that overthinking thought loop and I see this happen, this thought loop, and it churns and it it could be any topic that's in front of us, but we keep overthinking because we feel that we're going to figure this out or we have to fix it now.

Speaker 1: 9:00

And here's what I know when I am in a state of panic, of hustle and worry, I know that I should not take action unless it's running from a burning building. I had a doctor years ago who, when I was suffering from like just chronic fatigue, adrenal exhaustion, like working, you know, 90 hour weeks and craziness, where my doctor said to me Jill, adrenals are for running away from burning buildings, not for building websites. And it's that idea right, that if you're trying to build from an empty cup, you're not going to be able to be your best self and think and again, I know you're saying so then how do I fix it? So we have to find the nooks and crannies in our day to fix it. And I'm going to keep talking about this because I want to be part of the catalyst to change corporate culture. So we're going to get there, but in the meantime, what you can do for yourself, while we either work for a company that's more aligned with our values or we hope that our company or we could be part of an employee research group to change the culture at our current companies. But I know.

Speaker 1: 10:03

What I know for sure is that I don't know anyone who has ever produced sustainable results from this frantic hustle, worry and anxiety. And, as I like to say, the universe's will is never urgent. Anxiety and, as I like to say, the universe's will is never urgent If it's urgent like that, I got to do it. It's a really big signal to myself that I need to pause and check in At some point. When we do that, we start to realize that there's an obsessive mindset. And then there's the part of ourselves right, so stay with me on it. It's like there's me who's here talking to you, and then there's the me that can look at my thoughts. It's still me. I get it, but when I'm able to be the watcher of my brain, I'm able to pause and see what's happening.

Speaker 1: 10:55

The greatest gift that I didn't realize I was giving myself was the training to manage my mind. After my head injury, I studied everything I can get my hands on about the brain and then I began to test and try what worked for me from different environments to thoughts, to mindset, to nutrition, different tools and tactics to figure out what worked. And I still have overthinking moments and thoughts, but I can catch it so much faster than when I first started doing mindset work. I just know now that when I get into that state, that is my primitive or the habit brain or the animal brain that is firing off the constant overthinking. So again there's the thought, and then there's me watching the thought, and I just had to learn how to pause and watch my brain.

Speaker 1: 11:44

Here are some of my best tips that helped me watch my brain and stop overthinking. Not all of these are going to work for you, but see if some of them do. Take note of them and try them the next time you find yourself in this state. First is I just say to myself thank you for sharing. Uh-huh, okay, thank you for sharing. Sometimes it also looks like okay, jill, is this what we're going to do to ourselves? Today? It's not even 11 am and we're already on this train.

Speaker 1: 12:12

I talk to myself with a tough love, like a bigger sister, to myself, and for me it's really helpful because it helps me pause and watch my clever brain throw all the obsessive thoughts at me and I just keep saying thank you for sharing, thanks for telling me. This gives my brain a chance to catch up. What I mean by that is, when I'm saying and obsessing over thoughts, I'm having a sensation in my body. It gives my body a second to process what is going on and my brain can then catch up. That is that mind-body connection that you often hear people talking about. If I'm in a place where I can get curious meaning I'm not in the car, or I'm not in a conference room, I'm not presenting on teams I can check in with my body and see how I'm feeling. I can allow the sensation versus resist it, which is the only way to get through it. Because you can't resist it. It's that beach ball that's going to pop back up. It's going to smack you in the face. It's that beach ball that you push underwater, right. Or it's going to show up in other ways of over drinking, over eating, you know, over watching TV scrolling endlessly, or doing all of the above at the same time, right, it's because you don't want to feel what your body is telling you to feel, and then this is the way your brain acts. So really find the way to pause and just identify. You could just call it what the feeling is, or you can say like it feels icky in my chest.

Speaker 1: 13:41

The next thing I want you to do is I want you to separate story from fact. This is where I always say you got a Marie Kondo everything that's going on your head and get it on paper. If I don't put it down on paper what I'm actually seeing and what I'm actually thinking, there will be sneaky thoughts that are going to continue to cause my obsessive thinking. It's hard to solve calculus in your head. You've got to get it down. You've got to look at what you're really thinking and not just think about the couple of thoughts that are popcorning up to the top. Then the thing that I do also is I love Byron Katie's work and she has these four questions that I've sort of modified to work for me. But I asked myself is my thought true? Like I got to get look at each thought and can I prove that this thought is a hundred percent true. And what would I do right now without this thought right?

Speaker 1: 14:36

That last question is always the one that gets me out of the overthinking, gets me back into my strategic thinking, and then from there, that confidence and that calmness is when I can get into action. And then, from there, that confidence and that calmness is when I can get into action, and then I create a completely different result. There are two other questions that I find also are really helpful and that you could ask yourself is like well, what do I think that has gone wrong here? I realized in the scenario where my client, um, talked about the, the email that they sent, right, there was something that went wrong there. But looking at the facts and deciding, is this something that needs to be like a public cancellation on? You get to choose how you want to think about it too. And the other question I also asked is like, when I'm in that obsessive place, what is it that I really want? I want to clean this up. Do I want to be acknowledged? Do I want to be appreciated? Do I want to find space to apologize and fix whatever my mistake was? Like what is it that I really want? And then the last thing that I do is I do what is called the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 anxiety exercise, and this is wherever you are, again, assuming you're in a safe space to do this.

Speaker 1: 15:42

Look around the room five things that I can see. Look around the room five things that I can see. Four things I can touch. Three things I can hear. Two things I can smell and one thing I can taste and that again is a moment to get out of the overthinking and into your body and things to touch. Again, when you just look at each of them, things to touch would be your articles of clothing, the desk or the chair that you're sitting on right. Three things that you can hear the immediate sounds in the room, the sounds in the next room, and maybe nature noises outside your window. Or, if you're in a city, you hear automotive noises. Two things I can smell. You know, maybe you can smell your laundry detergent or your own bath soap. Um, one thing that I can taste might be the coffee that I drank moments ago or the cleanness of the water that's in my mouth. Right, getting out of your head and just having a moment, it takes seconds to do that. It gives myself time to think, I can process the emotion, the emotion, and then I can get back into my head and find a solution. Again, you can't be overthinking, be in worry and anxiety and find the solution, all right.

Speaker 1: 16:43

All right, folks, let me know how you are working through overthinking. You can get me on Instagram, you can email me at hello at jillgriffincoachingcom. I would love to hear how you're doing, what tips you have, and I hope that some of you find these tips and share the ones that you know. Work with you. Back with me before I go. Do you have a career strategy? Are you building one? Building the career you want starts with creating your career identity. I will put the details in the show notes of how to get my five steps to building an effective career identity so that you can start this work and start building the career that you're looking for. You may be in the career that you're in and you want to up-level. You may be wanting to find another career and you want to be thinking about your identity. Building a career strategy all starts with knowing your career identity.

Speaker 1: 17:32

Okay, folks, I appreciate you so much and thanks for joining me this week. I'll see you next time. Hey, thanks for listening to the career refresh podcast, if you're enjoying this and you want more information, go to my website, jillgriffincoachingcom. There you can find information on how to work with me one-on-one or my group programs, or even bring me into your workplace. I'll put the link to my website in the show notes. But hey, listen before you go. Do me a favor, rate and review this podcast, because it definitely helps me get the word out to people everywhere so that they can also thrive in the workplace. All right, friends, I appreciate you. I'll see you soon.