Overcoming Uncertainty in Negotiations

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by uncertainty and pressures at work? In this episode, I share a personal story of navigating high-stakes organizational negotiations and how I got through to the other side, highlighting:

• The nuances of internal negotiations
• How honesty and vulnerability reshaped the conflict
• The five key approaches to addressing conflict

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Uncertainty in Negotiations
• 14:00 Leadership Negotiations
• 21:44 Empowering Career Strategies in Negotiations

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey, I'm Jill Griffin, the host of the Career Refresh podcast. Today I'm talking about negotiation, and we often find ourselves negotiating not just with external parties but within our own organizations. Today I want to walk you through what I'm going to call a case study, which is one of my own experiences. And what do you do when you're navigating uncertainty? Working with team leadership, your own teams and how do you negotiate when the information is scarce, the time is short and the stakes are high. Let's dig in. So our executive leadership requested that I guide the team in building a presentation for a private equity pitch. Now I was a new hire and they had recently fired the external consultant. The pitch was about a month away. So, while I was assured that they had done the most of the work within the slide deck, they needed a strategic eye to pull the various pieces of the equation together. I thought, all right, a tight timeline, but we've all produced excellent outcomes in less time.

Speaker 1: 1:16

I had never led a private equity pitch before, but I was equal parts determined, a little anxious, but anxious in a good way, like that little bit of flutter in your stomach, that excitement. So I was not involved in any prior discussions, nor did. I know the executive team was going the private equity route. It was highly confidential. I had to figure out how to catch up and I figured I could just read what's there and go through. I'm a quick absorber of lots of information and able to make sense of it rather quickly, so of course I said yes. I don't even think there was an opportunity to say no. It was more like a volunteer told. And when I got in there, meaning into the actual slide presentation and into the folder on the share drive where everything was saved, it was obvious that nothing was done. I mean, there wasn't even a shell of a story, it was a completely blank canvas.

Speaker 1: 2:09

So, thinking through a general outline of a pitch presentation, I was able to work with the team to design a strategy for the market opportunity, the product or service offering. But I didn't have access to the financial background. I didn't know the performance metrics. I didn't know the business model that they were moving towards in the future because it was confidential. I didn't have the financial predictions and I didn't even know what the investment ask they were going after.

Speaker 1: 2:35

So I pulled the team together, got a list of questions to ask the main partner and the first meeting was sort of like sitting with Tony Robbins a lot of high energy, I mean. He even wore a fedora. The partner was excited and he was eager to have this date with destiny to change the world. And the team was definitely caught up in the excitement. And I was starting to get a stomachache because I've been here before and it's been a big part of my career in tech, marketing and strategy and I know vaporware, as we like to call it when I see it, there's no there there. But I couldn't get any meaty answers and everything was very fluffy.

Speaker 1: 3:18

So when I spoke to the board, everyone was like ask the partner. And everyone was like it's great and they're all in this rah-rah train, but something wasn't adding up. So the partner told me to go to the CFO, the COO, the CIO and get the story in the data frame. But they also had no idea of the story that he wanted to tell. They also wouldn't release any numbers to me without permission. Totally makes sense.

Speaker 1: 3:42

So you know how this is going. The pressure's on. You have a shell of an idea, but without the numbers, the partner's vision and the insights into his conversations with both the board and private equity, we were spinning. There was lots of late nights, tense meetings, frustration. At a certain point the partner's starting to raise his voice, asking why we hadn't gotten any further. It was leaving all of us very stressed and anxious.

Speaker 1: 4:08

And I'm sure you've been here, or some variation of this scenario, and navigating the uncertainty while you are the leader right, you're in the sandwich, right, you're not the CEO, you're not the core team, you're the person who's leading the core team and you don't have the information. And this can feel really daunting, primarily when the decision making is resting on you. So I want to kind of just pause there for a second. All right, so we have this external meeting with PE private equity. I was told that more was done than what had been done and when I got in there, no metrics, no financial predictions, no clear investment. Ask just. I mean, I wouldn't even call it a vision, just sort of like a vague idea of a lot of like word salad. I have a month and while everyone is very enthusiastic, even the board and the other executive leadership has no idea as to what the strategy is.

Speaker 1: 5:06

So I describe this next sort of what happened next is what I always call being in the hallway where you're caught between the now and the not yet and you have no clear direction. You could be on a job, you could be on a job interview, you could be wondering with your career where you are now. There's lots of doors, there's lots of opportunities, but you don't actually know what's going to open. And it's the now and the not yet. So when I'm in this space, I've done this mindset and strategy and growth mindset work I don't know for 25 years now. So I know enough now that when I'm in this space, it's my signal to pause.

Speaker 1: 5:48

And even when there's a pressure of time that I have to ready my mind, I have to give myself and my teammates the beat, a pause to recalibrate. And one of the tools that I've learned over my years in professional development and training as a leader is the art of what I call being both ready and prepared. We often prepare, we get our data, we get our facts right. That's all the slide deck information Like what's the preparedness? What are we doing? Where are we going? But only a few of us ready our minds. Readiness is the mindset, yes. The preparation again, is the background work, the contingency plan. What are we doing? Honing your skills.

Speaker 1: 6:28

But the mindset part of pausing, slowing down, giving yourself that time so that you're not solving the problem from inside the problem, that's that expression. You can't read the label from inside the jar because it feels very tight, constricting and panicky. So, giving myself that pause, telling everyone to you know what everybody, let's just pause, work on something else, go home on time. We will meet again in the morning and decide what to go forward. That was a lot of meditation for me, and that time in the pause gave me the suspicion that the partner didn't trust me, and not that I couldn't do the job because he wasn't in the team that hired me. I didn't meet him before. It wasn't about doing the job, it was. Could he trust me to be vulnerable Since he didn't hire me? He didn't know that I wasn't. You know some back channeling gossipy, you know. Was I going to tell everyone? Oh, this guy doesn't even know what he's doing, right? Was I going to tell people that? So I started to sense that he didn't trust me. So my idea to pause really gave me this clarity.

Speaker 1: 7:39

And when I don't ready my mind, my old go-to negative emotion is anxiety. This is sort of the hello darkness, my old friend, that is what comes in for me. I go into spiraling and for me, when I ask myself what-based questions, what should I do? I don't know. What should I do. I don't know, I got to do that, I got to do that. When I start doing that, I also know it's a sign that I'm starting to spiral and for me and my brain the what base question doesn't feel possible because it's like, well, I don't know. So you can't move forward.

Speaker 1: 8:17

When you're in that space of sort of that panicky Evolutionary biology, right, your brain can't think. When it's in the experience of the amygdala, right, the emotion center of the brain, that's the fight or flight that has to pause and calm down before the prefrontal cortex can take over and decide what to do strategically. So when you're in this space, the pause, and whether that's doing some breath work, right, box breathing, you can Google it or just even breathing in one, two, three and controlling it, pausing, breathing out one, two, three, it helps set and calm down the intensity of the emotions. Moving, physically moving. If you can't get away from your desk, you can tighten every single muscle in your body that you're able to do, hold it for the count of five and then slowly release all those muscles from the count of five. If you can get outside and that's available to you, yes, being outside for a moment or two to shift, can also help dissipate the intensity of some of those negative motions, right? So you focus on what you know breathing and moving and that's how you get yourself out of that spiral and into a mindset of readiness.

Speaker 1: 9:38

Now again, I mentioned that when I ask myself what base questions that can just go down an endless spiral, what do I do about that? I don't know. What do I do about that? When I ask myself how base questions, my brain doesn't shut down. My brain gets curious. Oh well, how would I approach this? There's a very different energy for me. You have to find the words for you. I do. I will tell you that most people have a similar experience that what base questions can spiral, whereas how base questions feel more actionable. But again, pause and get connected with yourself and see that mindset shift is super critical when leading negotiations under pressure. So, shifting the what should I do to all, right, how can I get him to collaborate? What's his real vision in this pitch? Right? So that's a what? Question, but it's about someone else, not myself. How can I navigate the unknown with him? How do I get him to collaborate?

Speaker 1: 10:39

And when you start to think about using curiosity as a negotiation tool, I've learned that that really requires trust. Building trust requires asking curiosity-driven questions. So now I'm going to take it a step further. When you ask others questions that begin with how would, or what do you think? Or when would, where would, who would, what if? Tell me more those types of phrasings tend to open people up.

Speaker 1: 11:12

When you ask somebody else a why-based question why are we doing this? Why are we going after the money? What's the investment, ask right, you're asking it with a different tone of voice. It can sound accusatory, it can also cause defensiveness. And if someone is already a bit ornery, prickly and is not really feeling you don't get the sense that they're in a spirit of collaboration, then asking why-based questions can really shut people down. So this was all part of readying my mind and starting to use curiosity as a negotiation tool. So I scheduled a one-on-one meeting with the partner, armed with my questions, to dig deeper and didn't mention to my team because I wanted to go in alone with him. So I want to pause for a second. And when you think about a negotiation there and let's just pretend it's between two people, because the triangle is a little bit hard to illustrate without showing you a slide deck myself.

Speaker 1: 12:11

So position A let's say I'm position A and the partner is position B. All right, typically there are five positions to address conflict in negotiations or any sort of difficult conversation. Right, there's competing, which is a style Someone's going to compete against you. There's collaboration we're going to work on it together. There's compromise, where both parties are willing to give and get. There's avoidance, which was where he was coming from and just avoiding the situation but wanting me to figure it out. And there was accommodation, which is where I started to move in the negotiation, where I'm going for accommodation. Let me accommodate him. Yes, it's frustrating. Yes, I needed to check my ego at the door. Yes, I was all up in the right because this, you know, I'm new at this and I have a month to prove myself blah, blah, blah, all those stories, but getting my mindset ready and just choosing accommodation, you know what. I'm going to accommodate him. I'm going to go in to this meeting and have an approach of curiosity.

Speaker 1: 13:18

So when I approached this meeting with empathy, despite my frustration, annoyance and anxiety. It was a goal to help him articulate his vision without making him feel exposed or unprepared. So I asked him key questions and again, this is a while ago, but what would be your ideal approach to explain how the company makes money? How would you explain it to a teenager? How would you explain it to my grandmother? That kind of thing, just kind of in an ease conversation. How do you see the company pivoting and growing with the help of private?

Speaker 1: 14:00

I was focused on engineering, meaning almost like a linear approach. I needed information, I needed it from him and then I could start to spin as a strategist and tell the story. When I asked how he successfully did this in the past, he now admitted he hadn't. And this was a breakthrough moment, a moment of honesty and really seeing each other for the first time, it became clear that he was relying on me to build a strategy in which he would wrap his vision around. That's what I mean by I was engineering, I was waiting for the vision and then I can build the strategic pieces to get to the vision. He's waiting for me to tell him a strategic approach that he could wrap his vision on. Now we could go back and forth and decide who's right or wrong here, it doesn't really matter. That's the reality of what it was. He's the leader. I'm the employee. I got to figure this out. So I needed his overarching vision and data so that I could build the strategic story. Vision and data so that I could build the strategic story. I needed clarity, I needed to deliver, I wanted to keep my job.

Speaker 1: 15:11

He in position B, he needed me to develop the strategic narrative so he could position the data into a compelling vision. He needed trust, he needed safety psychological safety and he needed the private equity to grow the company. He was on the reverse engineering approach. So this negotiation wasn't about the numbers, it was about understanding and trust. So my goal was sort of to guide him towards clarity without making him feel vulnerable. Or if I can't control how he feels, but if he does feel vulnerable, at least he knows that it's a safe place, that he doesn't need to protect so much the soft underbelly, because I'm not going to run around and, you know, cause havoc within the company. So I want to also contrast the leadership styles right.

Speaker 1: 16:07

I originally came in frustrated, while I was accommodating and collaborative, like I said, I had to check my ego. I can't believe I have to do this and that right. So focusing on trust. His style initially was showmanship, right, very, like, I said, the Tony Robbins. It was avoidant and then he got to collaboration and collaborative. Once we had that, trust was built Again initially avoidant. You can also tell where you're not getting the eye contact. He's not necessarily looking at you, he's sort of blowing things off. He's answering things very shallow, all signs in reading, both direct and indirect body language. So the strengths that I really tapped into was listening and, as you've probably heard the expression before, two ears, one mouth. Use them in proportion.

Speaker 1: 16:56

Tapping into empathy, and empathy in this way is really thinking about. Okay, putting all my ego and all of my stress aside, what must he be going through? He's got this meeting with private equity. It's a month away. He said whatever he said when all of us weren't in the room and now he needs people to show up and help him and create the story. But he doesn't feel comfortable to say, yeah, I was kind of spinning a story and I need everyone's help to get together to spin this together Again. If a leader could do that, that would be amazing. We understand that these things happen, but not letting down your guard was what delayed and spun everybody out and why we lost probably a full week on spinning before we were able to catch ourselves. So me, bringing in that empathy, my strategic thinking, were my greatest assets in this negotiation. My challenges yeah, managing that anxiety and pressure meant I had to constantly self-check and recalibrate so that pausing that breath, work, meditation, getting curious, physically moving, changing my state, going outside, if it was available to me, walking around the building grabbing a cup of coffee, not to go and chat it up with other people, to just sort of move and be on something else. One of the other tips and call it woo, I don't care One of the other tips that I find is really helpful is finding a color.

Speaker 1: 18:23

That's when you're out and about. It's almost like a version of I Spy if you've ever played as a kid, but I find like working with a color that has many shades, like green. Right, there's the green of the grass, the trees, even if you're outside for a minute to get your brain off the intensity of I don't know. I got to fix this. We got to get out the deadlines, pressing all the stories that your brain tells you. If you just start looking around and saying look at the deadlines, pressing all the stories that your brain tells you, if you just start looking around and saying look at the grass, that's a shade of green, the leaves where else can I find green? Oh, there's a car over there. Right, you're starting to calm down because it doesn't take a lot of effort to find the color green, assuming you have the ability to see and you are not colorblind. Right, it's just an example in finding that way of just getting off the intensity.

Speaker 1: 19:12

So, again, the neurochemicals in your body that are pulsating with pressure and anxiety and anger and frustration, all just get a moment to pause and calm down and then focusing on the facts that you have and not the story you're telling yourself, then focusing on the facts that you have and not the story you're telling yourself. So the outcome is, once we built that trust, we clarified the roles, we were able to align and make progress on the presentation and the rest of the team was able to follow suit. Yes, we produced a solid pitch. Yes, we raised the private equity. I will say that I wasn't allowed in the room for the actual pitch, which is really annoying, especially because I did 75% of the work, but I guess that's the way it goes, friends.

Speaker 1: 19:59

So, wrapping it up and thinking about the nuances of negotiating internally, especially when you're in leadership, be ready and prepared. Ready your mind, have your facts, know your facts, pausing under that pressure. The power of slowing down when things feel super chaotic cannot be underestimated and even in high pressure situations, pausing allows you to better prepare and lead more effectively. Asking the right questions, both to yourself and to others. Find the questions that feel actionable versus the questions like I shared, my what-based questions kind of feel triggering. And then how can you ask questions to other people that are open-ended and give them space, that you can hold space for them, versus asking a question like why are we doing this, which can be very combative and shut a person down.

Speaker 1: 20:55

Building with trust and empathy Trust is the foundation of any negotiation and using curiosity and empathy to short of that out and others may feel hesitant, who already feel hesitant may enable you to move the negotiation forward. And lastly, adapting your leadership style. Negotiation requires many styles and if someone is avoidant or unclear, patience and persistence can actually bring them into collaboration and finding that win-win in the compromise. So when we're in this, leadership negotiations are often more nuanced than direct. They involve managing this uncertainty, guiding your team through the pressure and the landscape in which you're trudging through, and building trust with key stakeholders.

Speaker 1: 21:44

I find that the key is that balancing that readiness and preparation, asking those empowering questions, staying adaptable. When we do this, we can really really catch a breath, take a beat and lead ourselves, even through some of the most daunting situations. Okay, friends, before I go, who are you getting your career help from and your good negotiation support from? I would love to meet you and to be your coach. All my information is in the show notes. You can check out my website, jill Griffin Coaching. You can also email me at hello at jillgriffincoachingcom, and I look forward to meeting you and seeing how I can help you with your negotiations and your overall career strategy. Thanks for listening.