The Career Paradox: How Surrender Leads to Professional Breakthrough

Have you ever faced a curveball—like a job rejection, health challenge, or unraveling career plans—and felt torn between fighting harder or giving up? What if there’s a third way? 

Today, we’re diving into the art of surrender, exploring how shifting from resistance to conscious acceptance can turn setbacks into opportunities. Learn:

• The critical difference between submission and surrender
• How acceptance sparks innovation and growth
• Practical tools for navigating career transitions

Mentioned on the show:
The Career Refresh: Seasons of Your Career, Episode 95 
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times
Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto

Chapters

• 0:00 The Art of Surrender and Success
• 8:36 Practicing Surrender in Daily Life
• 15:59 The Power of Surrender and Renewal
• 22:14 Embracing Surrender for Strength

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey there, I'm Jill Griffin, strategist, leader board member and executive coach. Over the last 15 years, I've helped thousands of professionals achieve their goals and improve overall workplace performance. I want workplaces to work better for everyone. This is the Career Refresh, your trusted resource for actionable insights on career growth, leadership and workplace success. Today I want to talk about surrender and submission, maybe two kind of esoteric topics, but really important.

Speaker 1: 0:33

You know those moments when life throws you a curveball. Maybe you've just received a rejection letter from your dream job, or you're facing an unexpected health challenge, or perhaps those plans to get into business school or your career have totally unraveled. Often in these moments we feel pressure to either fight harder or feel resigned and give up entirely. But what if there was a third option? And today I want to explore the art of surrender. Let's start by clearing up a common misconception Surrender and submission might feel or even sound similar, but they create vastly different experiences in our life.

Speaker 1: 1:30

Surrender is like opening your hands and releasing something that you've been gripping tightly right. If both hands are full, you can't take on something new. You got to let go of one thing. It's a conscious choice to stop fighting, fighting reality right Instead. It's the invitation, I'll say, to go with the flow when you surrender. It's not waving a white flag of defeat, I want to be really clear on that. It's about choosing to conserve your energy and focus on what really matters, and focus on what really matters. Submission, on the other hand, is like gritting your teeth, while externally complying it's like, fine, I will do it your way, but as soon as I get through this, I'm going back and doing what I know right. There's almost like a I want to say like almost like an anger that comes in submission. That's really subtle and nuanced and you don't always notice that at first, because it's that resistance. So you might be going through the motions, but internally you're still in resistance. It's like pressing a brake to the pedal, but at the same time you're pressing the gas right. So it's like give me less, give me more, give me less, give me more. And you're using twice the energy to go nowhere.

Speaker 1: 2:48

There's a paradox that's often talked about, about how being vulnerable to some people is about feeling weak and oh, you were vulnerable and you showed emotion. And to any of us who have done work in professional development, it's actually being able to stand in that power of that vulnerability where the strength lies. It's that work that I know that the 12-step community does, especially around the 12-step work and like making amends and showing up that. There's a certain point where I'm clear in my strengths, I'm clear in my weaknesses and there's nothing you can say about me that I haven't already acknowledged in myself. There's that level of vulnerability. There's nothing you can say about me that's going to take me under. It's my own thoughts that are going to pull me under in the undertow. And here's where things get really interesting.

Speaker 1: 3:39

Our achievement-orientated culture surrender feels totally counterintuitive. Right, we're taught that success comes from pushing harder, doing more. It's that puritanical work culture. Don't give up. But consider this if you've ever gone swimming at any ocean beaches and if you unfortunately find yourself in a rip current, it's counterintuitive advice to swim parallel to shore. You want to come directly into shore, but you are taught and there's a million YouTube videos and perhaps you know someone who is a life saving lifeguard in your life that can also tell you that when you swim parallel to the shore and don't fight, it is when you can find the point when the rip current ends and then you're able to come in right. It's. That is that counterintuitive life, that counterintuitive advice that brings you parallel, that's actually what's going to save you.

Speaker 1: 4:34

And in a real world example and I have permission to use her story I have a client, sarah, and she was laid off from her executive position and at first she, you know, she kind of was in submission to her circumstances but at the same time, pretty much the next day, against advice, against reflection, against just pausing. She was also in a position where she was given a severance package that, while this is not for everyone, for her she did have a moment and the financial ability to pause between the severance package and then, eventually, the unemployment, but she became really obsessed with applying and finding another job right away. I get it, I've been there, I mean, I joke, often my life was a signing bonus and a severance package and she was exhausted. She was still processing the discomfort, some of the anger, maybe a little of the bitterness. Definitely been there myself with the last job and it was really while it wasn't showing up on the resume. I have to imagine, based on her debriefs of her interviews and the conversations she was having networking, it was absolutely showing up and making her less attractive to others.

Speaker 1: 5:41

People can sense that they're like she's a little angry. It doesn't mean that you're discarded. It just means that people who, whether they realize it, intentionally or unintentionally, they know that you need a little bit of time and they're like oh, they were just processing that. They're still processing the grief, and the grief of the ending of a job, especially when it's unexpected, is real people. And if you've not been there, I love that you've not been there, and if you have been there, call me, because you get it, you understand what it's like.

Speaker 1: 6:11

So, in the case of Sarah, the turning point when she kind of surrendered to the reality, she stopped forcing the applications and instead she started to use her free time to really connect on what in the last job does she want to keep Meaning conceptually, what are the type of work she's done, what's the values, how does she want to work, what does she want to keep in that last role and bring into the next role? Because it's honoring the good in the place that you've come from before deciding what to build next. So it was at that point where she really started to say, okay, instead of just casting my net out immediately, let me pause and really get clear and doing the work with me to decide. Where are we casting that net? What are we keeping with us moving forward? What's the career narrative and how is it that we want to tell this story that is truthful and authentic to ourselves but actually positions us for what is next? And it really helped her see that her next position she wanted to be in a position that she wasn't just mentoring others, she also wanted to continue to do the work. Often what we find is we're a subject matter expert, we get promoted up and then all of a sudden we're just mentoring and dealing with the operational issues and there's tremendous value in that. But if you really like sales and in this case she was in a sales role if you really like sales, getting in front of a customer and actually selling and helping the team sell was where she wanted to stay, so really making sure that when she moved back out, she was showing that, how she could be a huge value to strategic partners, and that was able to help her get clear in her story as she was moving forward. She also took a completely different approach to her resume where, in order to tell that position, she decided to tell the executive summary in a way that was much more first person narrative versus the way you see executive resumes written. Both have value, but if you're trying to do something new, then you have to do what you're not doing, and this led her to really have something in a new way that she's never discovered before. She's still in the process of finding what's next, but she's in much more conversations now because she had the time to pause and tend and have the conversation in a different way.

Speaker 1: 8:36

So how do we practice surrender in our daily lives? I'm going to break it down into actionable steps. First, acknowledge reality. When you continue to fight against the reality, right, if you were fired, I get it. No one wants to admit that they were fired but at the very least, admitting to yourself that you were fired and really accepting that reality. Getting help from a mentor, a therapist, if it makes sense for you. Getting help from a coach. Finding the way to tell yourself the truth and look at the realities and what you want to keep telling yourself.

Speaker 1: 9:13

Start by stating the situation without judgment. Just look at the facts. Try to leave the story aside and notice where you're using your energy to resist what is when I've been let go from jobs and it wasn't like a total shutdown of the company. I had to look clearly at the value that I was bringing and, yes, I was bringing value. But where were the areas that it made sense for them to put me on the list to lay off? Right, if I was too expensive? That's a real reality. It sucks, but that's a real reality. And then it doesn't put blame on anyone, it just says, all right, well, it was a numbers thing, right? If I wasn't the person who had the skills for whatever that next task was, did it make sense that I go on the list? Right, I'm using these directionally, but really thinking through where's the truth here?

Speaker 1: 10:06

And practice saying this is happening right now, without adding any narrative that this shouldn't be happening. When we ask our questions about like, why is this happened? Why did this happen to me? I've said this before the why question for some people can be very empowering, I find, for most of my clients and for me. Why keeps me in the problem? Why did this happen? Keeps me in the problem, shifting that conversation to saying to myself what could I do differently in the future, or how could I show up differently in the future, or how could I approach this differently right, the what and the how questions feel more empowering, where the why question can kind of keep you in that spiral which can lead to victim-y feelings and we definitely don't want to be there as we're creating what's next.

Speaker 1: 10:54

Also, creating feelings for the space. Let me say that again, creating space for the feelings that you are. I have a client who has a family member who is going through a health issue and they have a lot of anger about that health issue. Creating space you're allowed to feel however you want to feel and don't let anyone tell you otherwise At some point, yes, you're going to move to a different mental state around the situation, but denying your anger, your sadness, your frustration, your I'm going to have to take time off of work, I'm going to lose momentum denying those feelings, those feelings of either resentment or regret or frustration, is not going to help you. That's pushing the beach ball underwater and at some point that is going to come up and smack you in the face. So, processing it. And even if the beach ball doesn't smack you in the face, then you know overconsumption of food or alcohol or drugs, underconsumption, overconsumption of social media, those are the things that when you're trying to not feel something. Trust me, you're going to feel it. It is going to come back and you need to process that, setting aside time to dedicate and maybe doing some journaling right, constructive journaling you can Google online how to process the emotions fully.

Speaker 1: 12:14

It really comes down to sitting with the emotion, letting it bubble up a little bit. I always feel it in my chest and knowing that in about 90 seconds those neurochemicals will simmer back down and you will be able to move on. It is that fight or flight, looked at in a different way. Journaling it might explore some of your resistance to trying to fix it versus just being what is, looking at what's there, and you might also practice physical release. This could be through movement or breath work. This can be for exercise. You know it's a little cold right now if you're listening to this episode in the US when it drops, but maybe you could find a way to exercise inside. If that's not available to you, if you don't have a gym available to you or a place, let me tell you I used to walk my dog in Home Depot. When it would be icy out, I would walk her through the aisles. You should check with your local outlet, but finding a way to walk those aisles was a way that I could actually get some exercise with her and process, even when it was like negative 10 degrees and icy out. So things that you can do.

Speaker 1: 13:22

And then, when you're ready, I want you to shift from control to curiosity, asking yourself what might be different in this situation and what might be making room, what space might be coming in and how might this situation make something else possible. Are there any unexpected gifts to the circumstance? I had another client who was laid off and they were experiencing health issues and, while they certainly didn't want the layoff, it gave them time to work on their health issues. I know for myself when I left corporate as a traumatic brain injury survivor, there was a long distance, long time, between the injury and when I actually left corporate. But while I didn't necessarily think that I wanted to end the corporate part of what the work I was doing, I'll tell you I never felt better, being able to adjust to what is and being able to nurture my brain and what I needed in order to get well, yes, privilege. I still had cash in the bank and I had Cobra, so I was able to do that.

Speaker 1: 14:31

But we're not talking about toxic positivity and like, oh, what's the silver lining here, right? Or how can this work out for the best? It's just are there things that you can use? And looking at your situation and your current circumstances differently, and then look, let's direct, let's like really get direct, and look at some common obstacles to surrender. You might feel that you appear weak sometimes. I want you to remember that surrender is an active choice that requires strength. You're going to have to manage your brain to surrender or manage your brain to fight the resistance. Except one moves you forward into growth and one keeps you stuck in the resistance of the fight and your dirty diaper. It does not move you forward.

Speaker 1: 15:16

Focusing on the wisdom of conserving energy and deciding what that means for you I used to be at the gym at 5 am. Well, conserving energy meant that maybe I'm going to restructure things, that I can do it on lunchtime, like my lunch hour, or maybe I can do it after work. How are you thinking about conserving energy? When does your brain and your body work best? So, really thinking that through, and then I want you to think through for you, ask yourself the questions how does continuing to fight this actually create a weakness. It's in there, friends, trust me, it's in there, it's a nuance, but find it.

Speaker 1: 15:59

Another obstacle that people often come up with around surrender is they're like, oh, it's that FOMO, that fear of missing out. You know, I got to trust the timing. What if this isn't the right time? This shouldn't be happening this way and again really sitting there that it's happening and we know that it's supposed to happen because it's happening. So if you're in that position again going away from the whys and moving into the what's or the hows, okay, this is happening. Now how do I want to use this time? How do I want to think about work or health? How do I want to think about it differently? And the other thing that I hear sometimes is people think that surrender might be permanent, that you might lose your edge or your motivation. You might always be there.

Speaker 1: 16:46

And I'm going to tell you I did an episode on seasons of your career and I'm going to put that in the link to the show notes about this is really a wintering. This is the strategic pause. It is not an entering and ending, because after winter comes spring, folks, and if you're not taking time in winter to rest, you are not going to have the energy to plant the seeds in spring, for them to grow in summer, for them to harvest in autumn and again, I'm talking about the Western Hemisphere. So, signs that you're in true surrender. Well, I'd look at some of the physical signs.

Speaker 1: 17:23

Do you find that when you're doing this, your shoulders are relaxing, you're doing some deep breathing, you're getting better quality sleep, you're having more natural energy? You're not reading the trades from your previous job. You're not staying connected to the social media from your previous job and I don't mean your industry, I mean still going to fishbowl or glass door and reading all the nonsense about what's going on inside your former job. That's what I'm talking about Staying away from that. It's kind of toxic. So, stay connected to your subject matter and your industry. But you don't need to be digging into rabbit holes on fishbowl when people are all complaining about the recent layoffs so that you could be in that glee that ha-ha, at least they're suffering, right? That's what we want to avoid.

Speaker 1: 18:14

Next, there might be mental times, right, you might find that you're less in decision fatigue because you're not spinning on the same thoughts all the time. You may have some reduced anxiety. You'll start to feel the flow again of increased creativity. Maybe you're reading a book for pleasure. It still might be about generative AI but you're not trying to think about how are you applying gen AI to that challenge at work? You're thinking about it in the broader sense and then, in emotional signs that you might see right, you might just have more genuine optimism. You're feeling less triggered. You're feeling less reactive. Those are all some of the signs that you're in surrender and, frankly, you're just well rested.

Speaker 1: 19:00

You are feeling when you wake up in the morning that you're not exhausting. Or do you ever have that where you feel almost hung over and it's not because you drank alcohol or drugs, it's because your brain is so heavy with spinning the same things? When that goes away, there's a level of quiet that you're like oh wow, this is wintering, this is surrender. So surrender isn't about giving up what matters to you. It's the releasing the grip on what you've been holding tightly. It's also understanding.

Speaker 1: 19:34

There's a book called Wintering and I really recommend you checking that out. It is by Catherine May and what she explores is that wintering, life has its seasons, and she says that surrendering to winter is a period, a time of rest, stillness and quiet. It can be profoundly restorative and, just as nature uses winter to rest and prepare for renewal, this surrender time allows you to step back from striving and struggling and giving yourself time to regain your strength, your clarity and your purpose. Rest there's also another book called Rest is the Resistance, which I'll put in the show notes and I highly recommend you read that. Rest is not just the absence of action, it's intentional, where the healing and the space and the creativity and eventually, the transformation into what's next can occur.

Speaker 1: 20:35

So I want you to think in this time. In addition to fully resting, I want you to be asking yourself questions what do I want to leave behind? What do I want to take with me? What do I want to create with all of this beautiful wisdom that I have collected in my life? Then I want you to reframe your goals right. With the clarity that surrender brings, you may revisit your thoughts, your aspirations, your goals. This is a period to redefine success and align with your goals in a different way and really reconnect with your desires. I'm also going to tell you to trust the process.

Speaker 1: 21:18

Winter inevitably leads to spring, and surrender and rest will inevitably prepare you to be able to re-engage with life and work from a place of strength and renewal. When you allow yourself time to surrender and reframe, you're not only going to emerge rested, but recharged and refocused. You're going to be ready to tackle things with clarity, intention and a new level of energy. It doesn't mean quitting. It just means letting go of the resistance to what we cannot control so we can focus on what we can. So we can focus on what we can. Submission as a reminder keeps us stuck, complying with external forces while holding on to that internal conflict, leaving us frustrated and depleted.

Speaker 1: 22:14

All right, friends, as we wrap, I wanna leave you with this Surrender is not a sign of weakness, it is the gateway to strength. Letting go of resistance, you create that space for the renewal, the clarity for what's next and from there, when you're clean, the space being clean, your mind being clean, refreshed you're able to reframe goals and think about how you want to move forward stronger and more focused. Okay, friends, I appreciate you so much. You can probably hear by now I need to rest my voice, coming off of sickness. As always, I want to hear from you. Email me at hello, at jillgriffincoachingcom, and I will get back to you or bring your questions on the show. All right, have a great week and I'll see you next time.