Listener Q&A: Leading Teams, Inspiring Growth, and Handling Emotional Hijacking at Work

In this listener-submitted Q&A, we share strategies and insights on leading in today’s workplace. Get answers on how to:

• Inspire and engage younger team members in a hybrid setting
• Keep new employees connected to purpose and growth
• Avoid getting emotionally hijacked when fairness gets weaponized

Chapters

• 0:00 Leadership Dilemmas Q&A Introduction

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey there, I'm Jill Griffin, the host of the Career Refresh, and today we are talking about leadership dilemmas. It's a Q&A episode. I always ask you to send me your questions at hello at jillgriffincoachingcom and keep them coming. And as I went through what we'll say, do we still call it a mailbag? As I went through the email box, these were some of the common themes, so I grouped them together just to kind of keep it more cohesive. So today it's about leadership dilemmas in the hybrid workplace and also how do you keep both new employees and entry-level employees inspired and motivated, and also how to not get emotionally hijacked by your colleagues.

Speaker 1: 0:39

That's a juicy one Ready, let's dig in. Juicy one Ready, let's dig in. Okay, first question. So I'm going to have to read these to you friends. First question is I had a lead of 25.

Speaker 1: 0:55

That's a bit of a remote and hybrid mix and I'm always looking for ways to engage new or younger employees. How do I keep them inspired, connected and seeing a career path? What are some of the ways that you would refresh this? I love that they tied in my title of my podcast here. What are some of the ways that you would refresh this? What are realistic ways to keep people motivated and show them what's possible at this company. Okay, so one thing that I would think about is what I would say is a partner or a process day. And these are days, whether you're doing them hybrid or in person, where you embed that new person into different teams or processes. Right, they actually do the tasks, and it might be bad, it might be bumpy, it might be messy, and I don't mean the engagement, I mean they're new at it. So, of course, it's about participation and not perfection. You're also making sure they're supported with a buddy or a mentor through that process or a shadow guide right Through that process, where they're not feeling like they have to be perfect and they're going to mess up. But we want them to see this.

Speaker 1: 2:05

So there was a time when I joined a company in a senior leadership role and I was asked to follow a sales order from when it became a sale right, like how does a bill become a law? From when we got the sale all the way through to how we serviced it, how we invoiced it, how we paid it and then, in the back end, sales enablement. How did we make sure that came through? And not only was it really inspiring for me to see kind of how everyone was coming together and like passing the baton and when they all had to come together and work on something together. But everything was like slowed down for me as a new employee where I was able to really see how everything worked, which also enabled me to lead better.

Speaker 1: 2:50

So this should be done at all levels, not just an entry level employee. All levels of leadership can absolutely learn from here. So the other employees seeing me as a leader rolling up their sleeves in the trenches, it really helped create new relationships that I would maybe have not had and also building sort of that empathy, trust and connection. And I remember later we also had a live event tied to this and I remember after the live event one of the middle-rrange managers came over to me and said seeing you behind the counter and helping with actual sales in the middle of an event when we were buried in the weeds, was so motivating to everyone that you weren't just, you know, pointing and being air traffic control, but that you were actually willing to roll up your sleeves and be in it. And again I was able to do that because I was given this opportunity as a new leader to sit and work through all different areas. This works for all levels. People really understanding how a company works and the different inputs is also going to create a level of understanding understanding of each other's strengths and also understanding when someone is like we can't do it that way. You actually sat next to them and shadowed them, so now you understand why. So, creating job shadowing pods, looking for maybe this is something that's done quarterly celebrating those small wins publicly, talking about the people who are in those experiences, talking about those experiences and also maybe spotlighting new hires experiences and also maybe spotlighting new hires, asking them for feedback after the employee has shadowed and how you can improve the program so you can roll out with others. That's where you want to also be in this continual iteration. And then the new person to that team feels that they've also been able to leave their input in their mark and their point of view. Right, this is the way that I'm seeing being able to train people and also helping people get it, stay motivated and see what's possible from a bigger view than just their day to day job.

Speaker 1: 4:50

All right, let's go on to the next question. So the next question says I think I'm being set up as the bulldog and I'm taking the bait. My colleague often vents to me about how unfair her sales goals are and because I have a strong sense of fairness, I get emotionally involved. I work in sales enablement and I sit in our sales meetings. I've often found myself arguing her points until last week, when the chief strategy officer asked me why I was continuing to speak up for her, I was floored. I mean, I didn't even realize I was doing it. Now I feel manipulated, but also responsible.

Speaker 1: 5:32

How do I stop this patent? First, I want to give yourself a little bit of compassion. Right, your instinct was to defend someone else and it came from a place of good, and that is a level of empathy that is really helpful. But when that empathy turns into some sort of tension or fight, that you're seeing it and you're fighting someone's battle by proxy. That's when you need to really think about this and recalibrate. So here's what I recommend. One is just get clear. You notice that you're doing it. You've already started to notice that you're doing it, but notice, are there other areas in which you're also doing it? That's where the power comes in.

Speaker 1: 6:09

And then the next time, when your employee or a colleague starts venting to you, pause and ask yourself am I enlisted to fight a fight that is not mine, or am I just a space where they're venting to and you also don't have to continue to subject yourself to it? You can say something really simply, like Jill I know this is really frustrating, I get it, but I got to talk to you about this at another time or I get it and I'm sure you'll figure out a way to work through it right. So letting them know very supportively, but also like you're not here to pick a fight or to be enlisted into a fight that's not yours. Next thing I would suggest is that you set a clear boundary. Depending on how someone is communicating to you. You might say, listen, I care about what you're going through, but I realize that I've been speaking out about you and your struggles and speaking on your behalf, and that's not helpful for either of us. If you want support in framing your message or prepping for the meeting, sure I can help you role play that or practice that, but I'm not going to speak for you anymore.

Speaker 1: 7:14

Think about the second part. So setting that boundary is first. The second part is reclaiming your role. If you're someone who's leading sales enablement. Your job is to support the whole team, so getting pulled into one person's narrative is going to erode your credibility and it's also going to put you in a place where people are going to see you potentially as biased.

Speaker 1: 7:34

So, thinking about a systems perspective, this is a great time to really think through. Does the team need training? Do individuals need training? Is there a confusion or a misalignment happening? And how can you advocate for structural change but not center on one person's frustration or troubles unless they are also advocating for themselves and their one person's struggles is creating a situation in which the whole team then can't make the goal or make the revenue. And it's not about the individual, it's about the individual's role that they're in frustration, right. So there's a difference there. We can't center it on an individual. That's something that individual has to take to their individual manager and figure out how they're going to work through it, or, if it becomes an HR issue, then working with HR for it. But it needs to be centered on what is working for the whole team to hit the goal.

Speaker 1: 8:28

And listen, being labeled the bulldog, depending on how you're hearing it, and the tone of this letter is not. You're not hearing it from a place of strength. Know that it's not intentional. People aren't probably intentionally trying to label you something, but it can be that trap and having influence that is going to create that positive change. It's also making sure that you're using your influence in a way that is thoughtfully timed and being intentional with your ownership. All right.

Speaker 1: 9:04

Next question I just landed in a new leadership role and as a woman, I want to hit the ground running but also stay grounded. Are there any things that I need to think about as a woman so that I can start to thrive in this new position early in a role, for everyone is going to set the tone for your leadership and your influence within the company. So why do we need advice, especially for women? It's because research and lived experience has shown us that women are often evaluated both on performance and likability, whereas their male counterparts are not. They're often only viewed and evaluated on their performance. So there's more pressure for women to start to be warm and confident and decisive and approachable.

Speaker 1: 9:56

And you can just look around in your community If you have community leaders, if it's at the political level, look at what we say about female leaders versus what we say, about male leaders and the ways in which we will often comment on a woman's appearance but not her performance, where we're not going to really comment on a man's appearance but we'll only comment on their performance, right? So just notice sort of the subtle nuances and where we treat all genders differently. So I want you to that's for everybody listening, so that you're realizing that, even if you don't identify as a woman, that you understand that this is real. Right, he's running a family or he's supporting a family, right? So, again, genderfying, that we have to give the male gender a raise but not the female gender a raise because she's also supporting or contributing to the supporting of the family. Right, it's like what? But yes, these are real conversations that happen.

Speaker 1: 11:01

I want you to remember my friend who wrote this, in that you were there because you earned this position and we're not talking about proving it again. However, there are intentional things that I would think about, and one is I want you to really think through. I call it leadership identity. Sometimes it's also referred to as professional brand, very different than personal brand. Personal brand is much more about me, me, me, look at me, look at me whereas professional branding, or leadership identity, which is really where I like better is like as a leader. Who am I and what do I identify with? And what are the aspects of my personality or experience that I want to continue to bring forward, and where is it relevant to the work and the goal that I have that I'm going to weave it into the narrative. If you do not start laying down your narrative, others will write it for you and then, all of a sudden, people will start forming stories or responding to you based on what they think.

Speaker 1: 11:52

Okay one I want you to share what matters from you. I want you to be intentional. I want you to be sharing values and saying things like you know. What I really value excellence and excellence for me is that within each individual's ability, that they are living up to their own version of excellence. There's not one standard of excellence. There's an individual standard of excellence within someone's ability. Finding ways again, that's my belief. That may not be yours, but finding ways to lay down what you believe. I value innovation, I value creativity, I value kindness. I often make the distinction between kindness and nice, because nice feels very performative, whereas kindness feels very genuine. Finding ways that you are laying the tracks down for the things that matter to you and how you are going to show up will be really really helpful.

Speaker 1: 12:34

Two, I want you to think about all of your past experiences that are relevant to this job and get really, really crisp with yourself. What was the impact you made previously? What was the result you caused, what actions did you take, what was the challenge in front of you? And being able to tell very quick, succinct stories that don't drag us all into the undertow. We don't need to know everything. We just need to know that, after you increase sales by 10%, you were able to take any of the overages and reinvest it into employee training. Right, we just need to be in and out and you are being able to say very succinctly how your past experience contributes to your current situation and having almost like bullet points ready.

Speaker 1: 13:14

Right, we're not talking about sounding rote. We're not talking about being contrived. We're not being a robot. We're just being really clear where, when someone asks me about what might happen in working with me, I will say very clearly that 87% of people that work with me get a raise of 30% or more. Boom, I didn't take you through a whole story, I just laid down the facts. That's what we're looking for.

Speaker 1: 13:36

Okay, then I also want you to think through if this aligns with you that you are there to listen I hope that aligns with you that you are there to learn, but you are also there to lead, and that you're not afraid of making decisions, and being able to lay that out is important. I would also look for who in the organization really has. There's the org chart, but then there's sort of the internal nuances, so who are really the people that get things done, who are the key decision makers and who are the people that influence those decision makers? Those are the things that I would suggest you do in your first 90 days. I also like to say that month one is often about asking questions and listening. Month two is about starting to implement what you're hearing, and then month three is starting to immediately measure and evaluate what you know so far, so that you can get some wins early.

Speaker 1: 14:32

The other thing I would just say is like, make sure you're pacing your energy. You don't want to be in a situation where you are coming in doing so much and working really long hours. That is more than what's expected of you, because now you're setting the new pace for what's always going to be expected, and I think again, we often feel like I've got to come in and really wow things in the beginning, and I've heard a lot of companies lately saying to their new hires like listen, we really just expect you to listen and learn. We're not expecting major results out of you within the first 30 or 60 days. We really want you to learn our process, our culture. And again, I would say kudos to those employees and those leaders who are saying that. I realize that not every company has the luxury of waiting 30 or 60 days for a result, so use that directionally for how it fits within yours Really finding out, you know, maybe within the first six months, what are some of the wins that you can align to and really set yourself up for success and thinking about those boundaries and then thinking about what are the stories that you're going to be laying down early that are based on your own previous value and impact that you've created. All right, and email me back. I definitely want to hear how it went for you.

Speaker 1: 15:39

Next. The question is more of a general one is what is the most common issue or challenge in decision making you see businesses or department leaders making today. The biggest issue that I'm seeing right now if you're watching this when it drops is that there is a lack of structured training and development for early career employees and, by the way, that goes for all employees, but especially early career. That bottom rung of the career ladder is totally broken and if people are not getting that foundational experience, they're not staying, so it makes everything harder, right. So we also have hybrid work. Early career or new employees are often missing out on the opportunity to shadow people, to have that casual observation, some early hands-on learning. This is not for every job. There are definitely jobs that are independent. You're an independent contributor and it's like head down, get it done Depends on the kind of job that you're in.

Speaker 1: 16:33

But without reimagining how we train people, both in person and remotely, we're continuing to burn through talent who don't feel supported, who don't feel like there's a career path and they're just going to go someplace else. Okay, according to SHRM, the Society for Human Resource Management I am a certified SHRM professional they are seeing that on average, hiring a new employee is about $4,700, and that's sort of like the sweet spot with hard costs from advertising to training, to onboarding, any materials they might need, but that they're seeing that most companies only spend about $3,000 on learning and development. So you're hiring the person, which is $4,700, we'll call it $5,000, right, us dollars but you're only spending $3,000 or less on training them. And then you're only maybe training them at the entry level, but you're not offering continued training. And I hear this all the time from the clients that I work with that there might be training at the entry level to get you onboarded, but then you're not seeing another training program. Like you might go to an interesting talk or sales meeting, but you're not getting additional training throughout your career, and it really demotivates people.

Speaker 1: 17:42

And I think that this is one of the things. Keeping and talent happy and keeping them employed and keeping them motivated is going to be less expensive for you as an organization than to continually hire because you're replacing people. You need to be hiring junior people, sure, but hiring because you're replacing people all the time because they don't see a career path is one of the biggest challenges I'm seeing. So I want you to get super intentional with training programs setting clear milestones. There are enough software out there that you can look to invest in, or you can also just think about how do you want to internally think through what are someone's OKRs, objectives and key results, and how are you going to measure them? Also, pairing new hires with internal mentors or guides I talked about it in the last question that shadowing is really, really important and then making sure that you're having both early career development and continuing development so that you're keeping your mid and season teammates also interested. And then, lastly, make sure that you're thinking through on a yearly basis what are the quarterly trainings that you're going to put in.

Speaker 1: 18:48

This could be again. It could be a talk, it could be a workshop, it can be a hands-on roll up your sleeve, it could be coaching. This is the work that I do corporately, in addition to working with people individually. So integrating coaching, team development, team dynamics into your culture so that employees at every level are feeling that there is an opportunity, that they can grow, increase confidence, their hope, their conviction, their collaboration. It will pay off for you if you invest in this. And also it's time where that group of employees get to spend a little time together, where they're not just buried in the subject matter of what they're doing. They're talking about their strengths and they're talking about leadership challenges and actually getting a time to think is really beneficial for everyone, and also increasing team dynamics.