The Intentional Network: How Senior Leaders Build Relationships That Actually Open Doors

The coffee chat isn't the problem. The vague ask is. Jill Griffin breaks down how senior leaders stop leaving relationships to chance and start building influence with intention.

In this episode:

• Why "let's catch up" is killing your executive relationships before they start
• The three things that make a busy senior leader actually want to meet with you
• How to build a usefulness habit that compounds your influence over time

Transcript

Why Vague Messages Create Dead Air

The Two-Question Boundary That Works

Junior Asks Versus Senior Reciprocity

Building Visibility Inside Your Company

External Networking Through Shared Ideas

Job Search Outreach Without Vagueness

Lead With Value And Set A Timebox

Why The Best Roles Are Networked

Reflection And How To Reach Jill

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Hey there, I'm Jill Griffin, your host of the Career Refresh Podcast. And today we are talking about networking, but being really intentional with it, right? And you've probably had conversations around this before, but whether you're inside an organization, growing your external network, or you're in the job search right now, I want you to think through what I'm talking about and the mistake that I often see people ship doing that show up in three main places. All right. Let's dig in. So let's play out a scenario. The first, maybe you sending a message, whether it's you want to connect and it's like a LinkedIn direct message because you don't have the person's email, or maybe you do have an email or there's a mutual connection that made an intro. You follow up and then nothing happens, nothing comes back. They maybe said, Yeah, let's let's connect, right? But then they show up a little bit distracted. They're kind of like picking up their phone, they're like half in it, or it just like they never actually answer, they never follow through. It feels like dead air. What I want you to know, because I choose to always think the best in people, is that it's probably wasn't about them being too busy. It wasn't about timing. It was about how you actually asked. And that's good news because it means it's about you. And therefore, if it's about you, we can fix it. So what I see a lot is people will write things like, Hey, can we catch up? Or hey, can I pick your brain? Oh, I'd love to reconnect. Let's get time in two weeks, like these like throwaway sentences. And they feel friendly and they feel low pressure. But from the recipient side of it, and if you're especially if you're a busy senior leader or you're a founder or running your own company in some way, it all of a sudden starts to feel like invisible labor. Like, I'll give somebody my time, but like what are they actually asking for? And that's the crux of it. So you've probably handed them a job of figuring out what this meeting is actually for. And since they can't spend time doing that, they're going to deprioritize you. I get requests like this all the time. Hey, Jill, can I pick your brain? Which is usually about like, how did I start my own consultancy and business? I'm this year is my 10th year doing this of being self-employed and running my own thing. Um, or much more I'll call it strapal, like strategic tactical, like, hey, could you look over this uh cover letter? Can you look over this email I want to send? Can you review my resume? You know, my answer is usually yes, with a caveat. One, because this is how I make my living. And two, I teach this. I often go the extra step and go back to the person, but here's what often happens. I'll go back to them and say, hey, listen, I get a lot of requests like this. And in order to show up fully for the people I work with, I've created some structure around how to perceive this conversation, how I'm going to share my thinking with you. So here's what I can offer. Send me your two most pressing questions. The two questions that you think, if they were answered, they would really move the needle a lot for you right now. And I will do my best to point you in that direction. We'll jump on a call, we'll grab a video, a Zoom, a Teams, whatever, right? We'll grab that. Um, and then I often say, and if what comes up starts to feel bigger than what those two questions can allow, then we can talk about what, you know, what it's like to work together or what that might look like. It's not a brush off. It's me setting a boundary because the amount of times that people will reach out and just want me to then talk for the time, I don't, I didn't prepare for that. And what I find is they don't follow up. When I push back and say, yes, I will absolutely help you send me the two questions you want to go through, they never follow up again. So it's really interesting. I've talked to some people about it when I saw them next, and they were just like, you actually push back on me, Jill, in a way that I realized that I didn't have my thinking in order. And that's where the crux of this episode comes from. So we're outreaching to people, but we haven't actually done our own homework yet to know where we want to be intentional and where we want to be strategic. And that outreach puts the burden on the other person that they have to all of a sudden come up and perform, but they're busy or it's not their priority. So what this signals a lot, and I want you to really take note of this, is that junior people or a junior mindset doesn't really matter your age or your title, it's a junior mindset asks for time where senior people are going to offer something in exchange for it. That's the shift from can I have some of your time to here's what I'm going to bring to this conversation. And it's where we're seeing people that are really showcasing who they are as a leader, that it's not just a networking tactic. It's really showcasing that I am going to think thoughtfully in the time that I use of yours and I'm going to bring something to the table. Where I see this show up most oftenly, one is inside your organization. You want to build visibility. You um maybe you're sitting on a committee that makes decisions about your career, or maybe you're connecting with a leader who's making decisions about your career. This left catch up, again, as I just said, it puts the burden on them. The contrast is hey, I've been working on this take or this insight on this project, and I love your perspective because I'm thinking it can really sharpen our work here, right? You're like completing the sentence for them, just showing them what you're going to do and what your expectation is out of the conversation. You know, do you have 20 minutes in the next week to connect? Right. Now that person knows exactly why you're reaching out and they have a reason to say yes because they're getting something in exchange. Second place is external relationships, right? Senior level relationships are built around shared intellectual territory or that thought leadership. It's not about coffee. Not everybody has time to just do that. So the strongest connections come with people who lead with the idea, not just the request. So finding the intersection between what you're thinking about and what they're thinking about, that's your end. You know, checking their LinkedIn posts, maybe they're writing, maybe if they've been on uh podcasts or panels, really thinking through where that shared intellectual territory is, um, is a place where then when you ask for a 20-minute chat, you have a specific angle. And there's a way that you'll be able to get the person to realize that this might be worth their time because we're talking about shared intellectual territory. And then the last area, and I know this is really hot on everyone's list right now, is the job search, right? This is where the vague ass can really do the most damage. Um, I'm exploring new opportunities and I'd love to connect. It's the senior level equivalent of like sending a cold resume, and nobody's really excited to receive. I don't know what to do with that. Or um, hey, you're two really smart people you should meet. Okay, smart about what, right? Um, I might have smarter understanding of lots of different things, but maybe it's not what the other person is interested in, right? Like can making that connection, showing them why the work you've done, that bringing that point of view to their industry, the market, their challenge, giving them a reason to want you in the room so that when there does become a role available, they're thinking of you as someone that they would maybe come back to and talk to. So you really want to make sure that you're connecting that. You're doing that then through basing these relationships. So they're not just um transaction-based, right? You're pushing it through where you're thinking again through that intellectual territory. How can you be the solution to their problem? How can you be thinking through um what you might bring to the table based on, you know, maybe you're reading an article or something in the trades about their organization, their industry. And that's where you want to, it's not just I'm looking for a new opportunity, it's you're coming with that intellectual piece. And then I want you to think through all of this through like, how can I be useful? So knowing the pre the person's pressure, not just their job title, before you're reaching out to anyone, especially in the job search, is asking yourself, like, what might this person be dealing with right now? Um, you know, what's what's keeping them stressed or what's keeping them active on a certain topic? Is there a problem they maybe haven't resolved? Your relevance and your um experience is a good place to bring in here. It's not necessarily about your credentials, but it's about your experience. The next area is like lead with something, not just a request. That strong outreach opens with that idea, uh, a piece of work, a case study, a share problem. Um, you have access to a paid wall service and you have a certain amount of downloads you can make a month, sharing them an article that might be really relevant to them, right? Again, you're thinking about X, you're thinking about how this might uh impact their business, and you wanted to share some perspective and would like to get their perspective too, right? That's gonna land much stronger than I'd love to connect or let's grab coffee. And then again, making it this really low lift, this low cost. Yes, be specific, setting the agenda, you know, hard top stop sign. Um, I think I just said hard stop sign. I meant to say hard stop stop sign. Uh, you know, we got 20 minutes at the 15-minute mark. Say, I know we only have five minutes left. A lot of times people will say, no, no, no, I can go an extra 10 minutes because they're they're enjoying the conversation. But again, it can't just be about what you're getting. It has to be that level of reciprocity. So, really shifting, right? Leaders who are building real influence, both internally, externally, across their career as they're making transitions, they're they're not just thinking about only what they need from the relationship. They're thinking about what they can bring to the relationship. And that shift from extraction to contribution is going to be one of the most consequential moves that you can make as a senior leader. And it starts really with a simple ask. So if you're applying for a job right now or you're reaching out to your network, hear this. The best opportunities rarely come from the LinkedIn post. I'm not telling you you shouldn't be on LinkedIn and looking. I you should absolutely be doing that. But data shows that there's something like majority of the positions posted on LinkedIn are under six figures. And if that's your that's your area of salary, go for it. But if you're over that, you really want to be thinking about how are you networking in. So finding the place that you can create that connection, become the person that is known for worth knowing is the thing that's going to show up for them when they start to have a need. All right. So I want you to sit with this and I want you to think through like who in your network deserves better than maybe what you've reached out to them in the past. And what would you bring if you showed up with something that was actually about them or worth their time? That's what I'm asking you for. I'm asking you to go a little bit deeper and keep that level of connection that is about giving versus just taking. All right. Friends, you know I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email. You've got thoughts, you've got opinions, you've got feelings on all of this. Send me an email at hello at yieldgriff and coaching.com and I will get back to you as I always do. So be intentional, really think through that networking and always be kind. I'll see you soon.